Time flies....

What?! Two weeks (or more!) since my last post?! Where does the time go? Seriously, where does it go? I have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that it's been thirteen years since Jonathan had his transplant. Thirteen years ago today, in fact, we were at home. I will never forget that. It had only been three weeks since his transplant, and he was still extremely weak. After being flat on his back for over a month, and on a ventilator for almost that long, he just didn't have a lot of strength. But, he was getting stronger every day. Once I even commented in a letter to him that he was literally changing by the hour. I could see the physical changes taking place in him. It was weird and wonderful, all at the same time!

So, we were discharged to go home---which was my in-laws' home. I wasn't at all sure Jonathan was ready to leave, but they kicked us out, anyway, saying that I was just nervous and that we'd do fine on our own. At that time in his life, Jonathan was taking medicine literally around the clock. He was addicted to morphine, so we were giving him decreasing doses of that, to wean him off. Then there were the steroids, blood pressure medicines, anti-rejections medicines, etc. He took meds 12 times a day! It was crazy! I was up until midnight, then had to get up at 3AM to give different meds, back up at 4AM for another cocktail, then got to sleep all the way to 7AM! UGH! Not only did I not think Jonathan was ready to go home, I was having a hard time coping with the perpetual lack of sleep. Our stay at home didn't last long, though. Jonathan developed a fever, and we went back for observation. Then he had a biopsy, which showed some minor rejection problems. Nothing horrible, but it required another week in the hospital, with another biopsy before we could leave. By the time we were able to leave the second time, I knew Jonathan was ready to go home. He looked around at the world with new wonder in his eyes! And he SMILED when he saw the green trees and beautiful flowers. His smile has always been like coming home for me. When Jonathan smiles, you feel his glee to your very soul. His clear, blue eyes sparkle and shine, and you just know that everything is right in his world. Of course, he's a typical teenager, and would rather not show his emotions, but he just can't help himself sometimes!

I find myself wishing I could go back and cherish those times more. Those times when I was awake in the middle of the night, because Jonathan needed medicine, or because he had his days and nights backwards from being in ICU for so long. At that time, all I could think was, "Can't we give this kid something to make him go back to sleep, so I can get some rest?!" Now, I grieve for the time I lost, wishing for this or that. Same thing with Jackson. I remember being awake with him in the middle of the night, thinking I could just let him cry, and he'd learn to comfort himself, then I could actually sleep. And I was proud of him for figuring it out, but now I wish I had just taken the time to enjoy cuddling my babies while they were little. It all happens so fast...

Where does the time go?